I know I’m in my Dream
So I just want to share an odd experience that happened last night. I’m not talking about a dream and it’s connotation with ambition and purpose. I’m talking about the actual dream, the state you have when you sleep.
It was Sunday night and I was very very tired and exhausted. Maybe sleep deprivation is to blamed for this. I’m really groggy for the past two months since the beginning of my internship, trying to meet schedules I set for myself and so far I was doing good. I had a class from Monday to Saturday, and internship from Monday to Thursday, plus the demand I pressed myself for exercise and writing a novel. The whole day of Friday I was out until the wee hours. I had a Saturday class that starts at 10 am so I have to be awake by 7 am. After this class, that was when I had my second cup of coffee. I drink Kratos Double Shot Expresso. No, I’m not advertising anything here, just sharing the positive effect of that coffee. You should try it. It is reinvigorating and very refreshing. No, I’m not promoting but you have to see the effect yourself and you’ll be surprised to accomplished more. So after my Saturday class, the grueling work was about to begin. I scheduled myself for a six hour writing. Three hours at the University library and three hours at some fast food joint that was opened 24 hours. The latter only happened because I was always the last person in the University. Always closing time.
But then I hit seven hours of grinding and hustling. By this time, I already drunk three cups of coffee. The last one being a large black coffee of Mcdonald’s.
So I went home. This was already around 2 a.m. Despite the lack of sleep, I was fully awake and failed to sleep easily. This is where the dabbling time gets in. Instead of working and forcing for an 8 hour mark of work, I wasted time by walking around and letting energy died down, which by the way did not happen. I surf the internet and walked around again. After some time, I decided to meditate.
At 4 am I went to bed to sleep. Maybe I fell immediately, maybe not.
Comes Sunday…I don’t usually do anything by Sunday. Work and everything needed to be done come from Monday to Saturday. Sunday was family time and I’m not supposed to drink any coffee during this day…but we had an event.
Normally we go to Church 10 in the morning, but since we had a birthday celebration to attend we adjusted our time. We woke 7 in the morning and feeling myself terribly drowsy I decided to drink a Nescafe Classic Coffee. I like black but every time I’m at home I felt the urge to add sugar on it. And I did. No, Nescafe doesn’t pay me for adding there brand in this article.
On the way to the Church the coffee didn’t stir me up. I wanted to fall asleep in the car but my efforts were futile. We attended our Church event in PICC. This usually takes two to three hours. A mass and a talked by a lay preacher. After this we went to buy cake in Makati then up to Alex III restaurant in Greenhills.
We were the first customers in the restaurant and we had to wait for our host. I could feel my head bobbling down. I knew I couldn’t sleep. That moments when you are so tired but sleep wouldn’t just come and why will I? I was in a fine dining restaurant. You just don’t put your arms on the table, tell your family to wake you up by the time the celebrant and other attendees arrive, and then dozed off. No.
After some time the celebrant and the people invited for the event came up. I swear I couldn’t focused my mind on them and I felt so disorganized. I felt I could moved the chair with my mind. I forced myself on my feet. This was not a new state for me, so this was not something new.
To answer this sleepiness the drink I ordered from the waiter was a brewed coffee. This cost 99 pesos. Again, I don’t gained anything from mentioning the restaurant name. We ate our lunch and did some talk. I could feel the coffee kicking in. But this is a party and in party there are a lot of food.
So I ate a lot, really a lot. Tried one meal after the other, and even went for a watermelon shake. Somehow, this was a mistake. After lunch the entire family decided to move to Fun Ranch in Tiendesitas, the celebrant wanted to treat the kids there. At this moment I could feel sleepiness creeped in again, this conquering force, invading my head and my body, telling me to sleep. I refused. This was not supposed to happen, I already had two cups of coffee.
As the children played I walked around, sat and toyed with my cellphone. The adults had to wait for the children. I strolled the place and then returned.
After the Fun Ranch everyone decided it was time to go home. My sister, of course was sweaty and wanted a refreshing drink. She chose Starbucks and so I was left but to order a Grande Dark Mocha. We had a take out and drunk our drinks on our way home. The Dark Mocha of Starbucks tastes just fine. But there are still other coffee shops with a better taste. Bo’s Coffee was one of them. Gosh, this really looks like a critique of the best coffee.
Anyway, I finished my Dark Mocha. My sister who ordered cold White Choco Mocha wasn’t able to finish hers and decided to give the remaining one fourth to me. So aside from Dark Mocha, I drunk White Choco Mocha. I usually drink this hot and would suggest too.
I looked at my title and wondered if I should change it to, My Coffee Escapades.
Anyway, I’m just giving you a short background because maybe too much caffeine was the reason I know I was in my dream. We arrived home. I laid in the bed and continued reading The Shannara Chronicles: The Elfstones of Shannara by Terry Brooks.
I think it was wrong for me to lay in the bed with a pillow on my back because my eyes were closing on their own and I was drifting to dreamland. I should read standing or seating straight in a chair. Surprisingly, I couldn’t take it anymore. I put aside the book and positioned myself for sleep and I did fell asleep. This was after so much caffeine in my system.
I couldn’t remember my dream here. This was not the part where I knew I’m in my Dream. But I woke on my own and looked at the time. How long did I sleep? I’m not sure. Maybe forty five minutes to an hour but my head really ache. I didn’t want to get up and just go to sleep straight. But the sun was still out so I forced myself and went to the bathroom. I held my head as if something was grinding my brain.
After this short nap, I felt a mix of energy and sleepiness. I wanted to sleep but my chest was ecstatic with energy. My body wanted to moved but my head wanted to be stagnant. Nevertheless, I didn’t go back to sleep anymore and decided to continue reading.
After dinner at 9 in the evening I went to my room, opened my laptop. I couldn’t exactly recall what I did but there was a problem with the wifi so I wasn’t able to open the internet. Maybe I just dabble around.
And then at 12 midnight I finally got to bed.
This was where things got a little weird and where the title of this entry comes in.
I set readied myself to bed.
This was the earliest I could get. The lifestyle that I just mentioned was not different at all but maybe the caffeine played a part here.
Then there it was. I drifted to sleep…A moment later, I opened my eyes and looked around. It was dark, I was in my room. Something was so heavy on top of me. I don’t know but, I think, or an eerie sensation was above me. Maybe a woman…I say this because my hands were around on something as if hugging that thing but not kissing it. I thought but then my eyes could only see lines of black as if the being was a transparent jelly and its outer color was black. I got a hint this was not true. Not true at all. But I was in the same bed, in the same setting, then I felt I am being lift. I closed my eyes, stir my mind to wakefulness. This was not real.
I opened them again. The room was dark. My head ache just the way it did after I woke from my nap that afternoon. I felt the need to urinate and hobbled myself to the toilet. I was disorganized at this time. As I moved to the toilet something creepy happened. I opened my eyes and then there it was again. I was back in my room. The place was dark and my head ache. At this moment I wasn’t thinking if I got to urinate and returned to bed or not. Nothing at all. I’m supposed to be thinking about this, right? I went to the toilet but didn’t find myself walking back. Something transported me in my bed. The head ache again. I swung my feet to the floor.
My state in this dream was blank and exhausted. I forced myself to stand and that was when it hit. This was the moment where I was deep in my sleep and yet my consciousness lingers in the background. I knew in this state, in this same room I was sleeping. This was not the part where you had a dreamed and it had a different setting and you knew it was a dream. This was the same setting, the real life place. I swore I was afraid at this moment, the person in my dream, scared I will not be able to wake up again. Those people who died while they were on their sleep. I didn’t really know the medical term. I just know this was not the real world. I knew I was having different dreams.
I told myself wake up. This was a dream. I repeated this statement a hundred times, forcing myself to do so. I remained standing on the wall, baffled. One last pushed and told myself to wake. I know I am in my dream.
And then I opened my eyes. Somewhere deep within me I knew this is another dream and fear creep in me if I would ever get to wake up. I was trapped in a dream world. I laid there with total confidence that I was still sleeping, in real world my eyes were closed. I told myself to wake up. How many times had I dreamed to wake up on what looked like my real world? To wake on the same scene? Aren’t the dream cycle changes and setting change from time to time? Why did I have the same place?
I pulled myself from this state as if I could wake myself up. I opened my eyes, my body felt so paralyzed but at least I knew I’m not dreaming anymore. A voice from the inside of me said, “There, I did. I did it. Take myself away from the dream world.” It said. It was me. It did. I woke myself up.
My head still ache but I knew the big difference and why I knew I was in my dream. The sensation of my body was back on me. In my dream my head ache and I moved as if I am in air. I was heavy, yes, but the movements that I made were not align on how I behaved daily. Something was different. Like being able to move on its own.
Somehow I was a little bit addictive with this experience. The multiple states I woke in my bed, knowing that my wakefulness in that dream was still a dream was something I wanted to happen again. It was odd and I should not wished for it again. But curiosity and the experienced itself made me want another folding of events like that.
Dreams was supposed to bring you to a different world. Instead I woke with the same world I was in, woke from my bed but that wasn’t wakefulness at all. I was still dreaming. It was scary because I thought I could never bring myself back again and wondered what would have happened if I failed.
After that I didn’t go back to bed for some time. But then again I couldn’t deny sleep anymore so I lay. This time I slept smoothly.
Today was Monday. It was holiday and because of that I got to sleep longer than my usual time for the past weeks.
I remembered waking up today and recalling that night. I exhaled and breathed words of gratitude for another day to come.
As I write this now, before I go back to bed again, I hope to have the same experience again. See and play just how much control I can have with my dream. Try if I can really mold my dream states into my own world. Maybe this discovery is the reason I wanted to happen it again. Maybe a person could really control their dreams. A lot would have say a dream could be control but without any experience at all, it is just an opinion.
I would try not to be aware of this and just let myself fall to sleep state and see if I dream again I would be aware, I am dreaming and from there control where I would go.
Written Date: 11:20 pm, 09/12/16
Date of the Dream: 09/11/16 (Wrote the experience the day after.)